I just walked out of the grocery store without getting doughnuts. Too many of you are wondering what the big deal is. You walk out of stores without out buying doughnuts everyday. But I feel like I walked away from a long term relationship. I'm panicked and feel alone.
Growing up my father battled his own addiction. I was not popular. I was riddled with anxiety and depression. I would constantly pursue men to get the attention I wasn't getting from my father. My first husband was also emotionally detached. So I started to fill the void with food.
( I want to clarify that neither my father nor my first husband were horrible people. They were / are amazing individuals. They just didn't meet my emotional needs. )
After my first marriage ended I briefly dated an Italian named Franco. It was long distance. Once we spent a fiery weekend in New York City. We cuddled in Central Park, saw Joshua Bell perform at Lincoln Center, ate phenomenal Italian food and spent the rest of the time in bed. Following that weekend we talked twice and then he was gone. I thought we would get married and have beautiful caramel colored kids. To him I was a fling.
Binges feel just like that. A glorious experience that ends in heartbreak. But every time you go back because of how good it felt before the heartbreak.
My void is now overfilled with the love of my forever husband, my daughter, my God and myself. But it's hard ending my abusive relationship with food. It's a habit now.
That's why I am so grateful for AdvoCare. It has taught me healthy eating habits, given me product support, and most importantly, unconditional support from thousands of people. Although I have slipped back into old habits, as long as I keep engaging with my AdvoCare family, this habit will be squashed and my life will truly begin.
