Basking in the Glow of Success

I apologize for the delay in this blog. 

It sounds odd, but I wanted to relish in what I achieved. Keep it my own for as long as possible. This is truly the first time I had no regrets or disappointments, so self criticism. I just had to hold it close. 

Don't get me wrong, I was scared s***less. Hands shaking, have to pee every five minutes scared! The moments waiting in line to start the race, that was the worst. My poor brother had to listen to me yammer on about nothing and everything at a high rate of speed. But he grew up with me. It wasn't anything new. 

I started off running. Did for a quarter of a mile. Pat took off. He had his own goals to meet. First obstacle was a mile down the path. Just a crawl in a sand tunnel. Easy! Water hazard, not so easy. I've never had upper body strength. President's test in elementary school was always a joke. I've never done a pull-up in my life. Luckily, there were strong men there who plucked me out of the water onto the floating coolers like I was a piece of seaweed. 

There were other obstacles. Balancing on chain ropes, climbing up and down muddy hills. It was then I realized when you joke about taking a nap on those muddy hills, the masses rally around you to help you up. Sarcasm is wasted on those raising you up to succeed (which I was humbly grateful for). 

There are some obstacles they don't feature on their website. Why? Because they suck royal a**. The balance beam over the water pond full of dysentery (I stayed upright), the rope wall side scoot (I did not stay upright) and the countless walls that my knees are still pissed at me for. 

But the worst was by far what I call the birth canal. Picture thick metal rings with laced rope stretched around them. They are like that fun fabric tunnel CeCe's crawls through at her friend Miriam's house. Only this was the tunnel from hell. Everyone was going in on their backs. Big mistake. My lack of upper body strength struck again. I managed to pull myself through four of those rings, being coached by my 'doctor', the super sweet. burly man in the horns. When I got to the end, my arms gave out. I just said, "How the f*** am I supposed to get out!". All of a sudden my 'doctor' got out his forceps (aka another really nice burly man in horns) and pulled me free. Now I know how CeCe felt. 

The obstacle I feared the most was the 20-foot rope lattice climb. At the end of all of this, I thought there was no way I would be able to do it. After the fact, my entire family all thought I would skip it. In the picture above, you can see me at the top straddling it. It was one of the easier obstacles I did! Then I jumped fire, army crawled through mud and was done!

Even now I get chills thinking of it. 

  

I did it. So many people wanted me to succeed but didn't think I could, including me. Those same people were ecstatic that I could prove them wrong, including me. There is not one thing I would do differently. Even better, I can't wait for my next adventure. I'm addicted now. Addicted to the accomplishment, to inspiring others, to feeling more amazing that I have ever felt. 

Thank you to Trena, Cory, Julie and Pat for being my support system. There is no way I could have done this without you as cheerleaders. And here is to all the people who don't try because they think they can't or are afraid they will be judged. I am here to tell you the only one that matters is you. You deserve this!

Content

I did it. I finished. I tried every obstacle and completed all but one. I had help from strangers and I helped strangers. I got mud in places I am still discovering.

I wouldn't change a thing. How I trained, how I performed. I have no regrets. Only excited to see what I can do next year.

More later, sleep now.

Here we go!

I am in the car, Cory is driving and listening to thrash metal. Cecilia is happily enjoying some Aunt Chrissy time. Mom is patiently waiting for Cory and I to pick her up. Then Rosy the diesel Volkswagon wagon will zip us up to Michigan to join my brother and sorta SIL for a low key evening before the race.

I am jumping out of my skin. I've known since January this was coming. It feels like I just blinked and it's here.

I started training for this like everything I've done. I hit it gun-ho with wreckless abandonment then get bored and move on. I was stagnent and feeling sorry for myself.

One morning we were lazy and decided we would watch Mass on TV. It's out of New York. Very good. Any who, the priest was talking about loving our neighbors they way God loves them. Very common Catholic theme. Then he said something that, though I know it had been said before, I never really heard it.

"Love yourself the way God loves you."

One sentence and my attitude changed. I'm not loving myself with an unhealthy lifestyle. I'm punishing the gift God gave me: my life.

Do I still slip? Heck yes. Today at my other SIL's baby shower, I ate the best piece of cake in my life! Banana with buttercream. It was unbelievable.  And I don't feel bad. Because when was the last time I had cake? I can't even remember.

So now I sit, celebrating what I've done, what I'm going to do. And I can't wait for the next adventure!

Less than a week away

I'm not a religious blogger. I have friends who update every day. That kind of commitment is brilliant to me. And truly not my talent.

That being said, I have a lot to catch you all up on.

I participated in the Fort Wayne Diva Dash in June. It was the first 5K I ever trained for. I kept motivated by a woman wearing pink argyle socks. She was in my site the entire way. Close to the end, another woman caught up to me to tell me she was using my shirt  to stay motivated. On the back it says, "If I can finish, you can finish." We all crossed the finish line together, holding hands.

I finished in the middle with a pace of 14:48. I was proud.

After the race, several people came up to me saying I motivated them. I was so moved. After so many people have inspired and motivated me, I now am the motivator.

Six weeks later, I walked my last three miles today. The Warrior Dash is on Sunday. The costumes are finished, the hotel is booked, and best of all, I am ready. All the ups and downs, literal hills and mental moutains, have led to this. I am only competing with myself. My goals? To simply finish, try my hardest and HAVE FUN!

P.S. The picture is of my morning route. I love how quiet it is, the moon setting with the sun rising. Beautiful!

What if? (Strong language)

Inspiration can come from anywhere. I picked a new route today and discovered a gem. Someone has created a small town in their yard (see photo). It had a school, a church, even a graveyard. I love finding kitsch in the craziest places.

Discouragement can come anywhere too. My mind has been distracted, racing all day. I have been two steps behind. On my walk, Ryan Adam's Starting to Hurt came on. That just exasperated everything.

What if I can't finish?

What if I have to walk, or skip an obstacle?

What will people think of this fat chick?

On and on and on.

I pressed on and finished my walk, but I didn't enjoy myself. I kept wishing I was home.

Sitting here now I'm pissed off. I have treated my body like shit for years. YEARS! I came close to needing a liver biopsy at 37. Years of gout have eaten away at my left toe joint, which will more than likely need reconstructive surgery.

Did I deserve any of that? No, but I earned it. Just like I have earned the right to do this race, to walk if I need to and skip obstacles if I need to. Fuck anyone who tells me or judges me otherwise. This includes my inner discourager.

So I take your depressing Ryan Adams song and raise you a single lyric from it that I will cling to.

Take your tomorrow, pain and your sorrow and teach it how to fly.

Just Go.

I let myself get frustrated again. I took a month off the scale, got back on and nothing had changed.

I got the bright idea to try a cleanse. I didn't want to spend money, and I wanted it to be natural. I picked the Dr. Oz three-day cleanse. PROS: Lost seven pounds in three days. Also learned to appreciate food without seasoning or preservatives. CONS: It took my body a week to recover. I also gained all the weight back.

Finally, spring had sprung. It was nice enough to take my exercises outside. I also came to the harsh realization that the Warrior Dash was only three months away. Holy crap!

I downloaded the app RunKeeper some time ago. I loaded it up and set up a 5K run training schedule. And I went.

And I loved it!

As soon as I finish a walk/run, I want to go back out again. Every time I go out I see progress. I no longer dread hills or stairs. And it isn't hard. And by hard mean I don't get my mental ass kicked. My mind is clear, and my new mantra is clear as well:

Just go.

Getting healthy is as simple as that. Protein shakes, gluten free, cross training, scales... All of it is a bunch of yapping, buzzing. Just go. Don't think, don't show off, don't keep talking about it.

Just. Go.

To weigh or not to weigh

For two weeks I have not seen the number change on the scale. Not up, not down. Just the same three numbers staring back up at me.

I have exercised at least four times a week. I have honored my healthy eating vow. My arms have more definition, I have collar bones and ankles. Cory even said I am getting that little crevice in my abs. My keg is turning into two two-liter bottles. But am I happy? No.

Why do we base so much on a scale. We let it dictate our mood, our self worth. We let it decide for us if we eat well or continue to exercise. Why are so many decisions made by those numbers? Heck, we give those numbers more power than our credit score!

So that's it. I'm taking the power back. I will not get back on that scale until March 1st. For all those who are having the same struggle, I encourage you to join me.