Lyme is Your Color

April 26, 2015 - Experienced an almost immediate onset of pain throughout the body. Mouth and head were numb with tingling sensation traveling up my neck and branching out throughout my skull. I experienced uncontrollable shaking which led to additional pain.

Summer, 2015 - Participated in a series of tests and food elimination practices with a pain specialist. Test results were within normal range. It was determined that food was not attributed to any episodes. Numbness in mouth continued. Sore joints subsided.

Late Summer / Fall, 2015 - Experienced debilitating dizzy spells. When not controlled, it would result in uncontrollable twitching and full body pain the next day. By adopting calming practices used for non-epileptic seizures, I was able to stop the 'attacks' before they started. Numbness in mouth continued. Bumping into things would result in inflamed areas on my upper body (extreme reaction for a small bump).

November, 2015 - Joint pain continued. Dizzy spells increased. Had a huge shaking attack on November 18 that affected my entire body, even my ability to control my voice (aka uncontrollable grunting). Numbness and tingling in the mouth remained. Uncontrollable itching of the upper body. Joint pain throughout. Twitching kept at bay with constant mental concentration. Increase in floaters in my eyes. Hearing limited, voices muffled. Extreme, immediate exhaustion, mind foggy. Burning sensations randomly on my body which felt like a hot poker or acid.

December 2015 - After attempting to manage it all on my own, as I assumed it was in my head, I finally waved the white flag and returned to my family doctor. Though he was appreciated what the pain specialist had ruled out, he was not satisfied with all of them. So he ran a CD57. It came back positive.

January - June 2016 - Before I could move forward with immediately antibiotic treatment, he had to get my immune system back. Multiple sleep tests and a CPAP later, I sleep like a baby. Then he changed my 'happy pill' so I could get more emotionally balanced. Add a smile to that sleep.

June 29, 2016 - Began a four-week antibiotic challenge then took the Igenex low-level blood test.

July 27, 2016 - Boxed up my blood and dropped it in the FedEx bin (that was weird).

September 13, 2016 - Doctor made the diagnosis official: Chronic Lyme Disease

September 15, 2016 - I knew this was coming. I knew something other that my imagination was causing all of this. And yet, it hit me like a ton of bricks. As much as I wanted an answer (as long as others have to wait for an answer. Think years), I want to bury the news under my bed and pretend like it never happened.

I'll power through and the next post will be filled with rainbows and unicorns. But today, I mentally rock in a corner.

I'm sorry

I am sorry for being so quiet lately. I've been facing a lot of battles as of late, many of which I have created myself. I allowed a diagnosis to dictate who I am as a person. I have let Lyme disease tell me what I can and cannot do.

But today I did something that has always given me pleasure. I walked in a 5K.

And I feel amazing!

And I realized not a single thing can stop me from me becoming the healthy me I want to be.

I am back with a vengeance, baby! It won't be pretty and it won't be safe for network TV, but I am ready!

I Still Have Crushes

These aren't the crushes we had in middle school 

But those were awesome, weren’t they? Passing notes, claiming you’re dating then break up, all without even talking to the person in question).

My crushes really fall under the adoration category:

My woman’s group – Its name and members will continue to remain anonymous. But these ladies are the best group I’ve ever been a part of. They embrace everyone unconditionally, they define the correct way to support your fellow females, and they are FUNNY!

Many of my female friendships have been based on cattiness. I remember a time I would judge everyone’s actions. I had one particular friend who would insult me and put me down constantly. She taught me to do the same to others. I can now step back and see how insecure that person was. I can also see how wrong it was to cast people aside without a second thought or possibly consider them as a part and potential impact on my life (BTW, I set that chick free. If you have someone in your life who makes you feel like sh*t, I suggest you do the same).

Brook Kreder – Holy crap is this chick awesome. Not because she is in fantastic shape, but because she celebrates every achievement she and others have. She has her own group, the Sole Sisters, who hold each other up when challenging themselves to complete Iron Mans, Marathons, even 5K. My bestie Trena is a part of that group (Trena is a whole other crush, but I’ve celebrated her already here. She also has an eBook that is pretty awesome).

I get Brook’s weekly emails. Every time I find something that inspires me or touches my heart. But the last two have been particularly moving. The first one was titled WHO YOU ARE IS ALREADY ENOUGH. An excerpt:

You see, at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter how far you can run, bike, swim or row…

… it doesn’t matter how strong you are, how much you weigh or don’t, how committed you are, how much you want and/or train for your goal… 

… you are already enough. Just as you are. Is having a big, crazy, scary, holy wow goal sexy? Yes, it’s very sexy.But it doesn’t make you who you are at your core.Because at your core…

You are already strong.

Tenacious.
Courageous.
Tough.
Smart.
Funny.
Brilliant.
Sassy.
Gorgeous.
Amazing.
Powerful. 

Exactly as you are. 

Powerful, right?

This week’s email TOTALLY BUSTED was a slap on the ass and a yeehaw!

In reference to an article in O Magazine:

There are so many areas in my life where I have departed from my truth. I have offered a fake smile. (Or a dozen in the last week – ugh!). I have taken on client work I didn’t want. I have said yes to a goal, a finish line and a training cycle that didn’t feel good to me. I have allowed others to steal my joy, suck my energy or step on my feelings. (All while keeping my mouth shut!) 

Then I wondered, “What would it be like to do what’s true for us (me + you) in every situation?”

Who would we let go of? What would we shout, “Hell yes!” to? Where would we go? Who would we love? What would we STOP doing? What would we no longer allow? Would we train for that mega race? Change jobs? Get married? Ditch a bad habit?

I can’t answer any of these questions for you. But here’s what I decided for myself:

I’m spending the entire month of September doing an integrity cleanse. 

That means no more bull sh*t. No more keeping my wants, needs or thoughts to myself. No more fake smiles. No more friends on FB that trigger my crazy. No more work I don’t enjoy. (Well, within reason.) Only races and training cycles I want to take on. Only people I love and can’t wait to spend time with.(The list goes on, you catch my drift.)

Now here’s the cool part…

I’m inviting you to do the integrity cleanse with me.

Let’s spend the next 28 days [together] doing what’s true for us in ALL situations. Training, work, marriage, relationships, money,commitments…

… e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

Because at the end of the day… is there really any other way to live?

I’m taking the challenge. Will you join me? Go to Brook’sFacebook page, like it (if you haven’t already reading my first paragraph about her) and post the hashtag #integritycleanse.Join her in this revolution of self!

Also, find your sole (shoe), soul (inner being) or sole (fish – no judgement here!) sisters and power onward. Life is too short for bullsh*t. 

Comfort while exercising AND a discount? No way!

Yes way!

 Here is the lowdown on Katie K Active, borrowed from their website. 

I'm wearing the Signature Walking Pants
and the Signature Racer Back.

Katie’s definition of brave is being the best you, you can be. Brave also comes in all shapes and sizes. Katie’s determination and hard work has definitely defined brave in her own life and, Katie’s goal is to help all women define brave in their lives as well.

Katie found that all women want to define their own brave. And that brave includes taking control of their health. She believes all women deserve exercise clothes that fit and are easy to move around in. We have all done the uniboob or the quad boob. We have all worn the bicycle pants that rolled up our calves and down our thighs. Don't make me tell you the underwear story again.

Clothing aside this company is amazing. And full of girl power. But the pluses don't stop there (see what I did there?). 

I'm wearing the Signature Walking Pants
and the Free Flow Cardigan.

Boy howdy the clothing! Not only does it fit perfectly and keep you cool, several of the pieces are completely wearable everyday, exercise or not. I have multiple compliments on my pants alone. So here's the skinny on my 'fat' exercise wear (I did it again).

Look at the picture above left. I look amazing! This is AFTER a workout. And yes, I do live at a lake. Be jealous. Now look at the picture to the right. I look amazing! This is HALF WAY THROUGH the work day. And yes, I do get to wear flip flops to work. Be jealous.

The pants have built-in draw cords to turn them into capris. The drawstring inside can only be described as an infinity drawstring. It's a single flowing cord that is impossible to lose inside the pants. The shirt is cut perfectly for my shape. It accommodates my hips and chest while not being too loose. Best part? The cut also prevents arm and side boob chaffing. And the cardigan is simply snuggly. Long sleeves, flowing, and easy to tie around the waste if it becomes too warm on your walks.

I'm hear to tell you these close are worth the investment. I'm not one to push products. But I will push this one till the cows come home. If I could marry a clothing line, this would be my soul mate.

And guess what? You can have these clothes too. For a limited time you can get 40% off PLUS free shipping. Just go to the website, pick out your clothes, then use the promo code KATEY40 when you check out and the savings is yours.

Trust me. You are worth the investment. Let's get this!

Climb the Mountain

Sherpas are flipping awesome! They go up and down Mount Everest so many times in their lives. And its no big thing. I look at that mountain and think 'Oh hell no!' and scurry back to my tent.

Well I can't ignore the mountain anymore. It has erupted.

For three weeks now, I've had unexplained nerve and muscle pain, tingling, numbness and burning joints throughout my body. Did I mention the twitching? Constant, random muscle twitches.

After 32 vials of blood, three poops in a bucket and storing a collection of my pee in the fridge, I thought I would get a diagnosis today.

I did not.

There in the doctor's office I had the mother of all pity parties. I was pushing back on doctor recommendation because of cost and the time involved. And he said this:

"Here's the thing, Katherine. Right now you are at the bottom of the mountain. You can't see the top. But we can. Let us help you up that mountain."

He was right. I've been doing a great job of climbing the mountain on my own, sticking to the plan. But I am now in a terrain I've never been before. And I can't do it alone.

So I got me some sherpas. Let's do this!

War Wounds

I have a confession. Well, not really a confession but more of an admission.

I made a poor underwear choice for my first half marathon.

My husband calls them my war-torn panties. The particular panties in question are long gone, but we all have our favorite underwear. Liz Phair even wrote a song about it (sort of). So of course I thought those panties would be perfect for 13.1 miles. WRONG!

Into mile three they had settled half way up my rump. By mile four I couldn't feel anything below the waste, so no harm no foul. I crossed the finish line and headed to a friends to clean up.

They became attached. They melded with my body, becoming one with the soft tissue of my butt. And I couldn't pull them off. Like waxing your bikini very, VERY slowly. I finally hopped into the shower, underwear and all and finally peeled them off. I was left with two bleeding, racing stripes on my tuckus. I derriere looked liked a regulation major league baseball.

Best part? I had my yearly visit two days later and had to explain to my male doctor why I had huge scabs on my ass.

So why talk about this now? Because your exercise gear is as important as the exercise itself. The wrong choice in clothing can completely derail you. I have worn my fair share of Walmart brand exercise clothes and have the chafing scars to prove it.

Peekaboo! Don't hints that mean nothing to you aggravate you?

But a new addition to my blogging family has turned that around. I am beyond excited to share this partnership, but I have to wait for the mail to arrive. Squeeeeee!!!

This is a partnership that benefits you as well. Stay tuned, people.

up... UP... AND AWAY!

When my brothers and I were little, my mother would safety pin towels around our necks (Yes, a real safety pin close to a five-year-olds neck). We would then swoop through the house, pretending to be Superman.

I miss that cape. I miss that moment in time. There was no pain, no anxiety, no helplessness: just the ability to fly.

Ten days of unexplained pain. Ten days of flames shooting throughout my body. Ten days of Kill Bill quoting (Wiggle your big toe!). Ten days of twitching and burning at the slightest touch.

I swear by my bad-a$$ery all the time. But it is nothing compared to the countless people who live like this for years. Who battle cancer and incurable disease. It’s time to prove myself. Appointment with a pain specialist this afternoon.

I really need a cape now, even if it is a pretend one.

I Can Hear You

Junior year, size 13.
Yes, I thought I was fat. 

I have struggled with my weight for more than half my life. I remember my first Weight Watcher meeting in 7th grade. After I weighed in for the first time, the woman said, "Oh, you're a lot heavier than I thought". What's funny is I wasn't even overweight. Yeah, a woman said that to a 13 year old girl. 

I am always searching out female power houses. The woman who wrote the blog The "After" Myth is one of these women. Thank you, Vanessa, for sharing this with me. This woman battled and won over her weight. But it didn't come will 100% happiness, as most expect. She still is trying to find herself. She is brave as hell for putting it all out there. I am so grateful I have another badass to inspire me. 

"Every day I'm shuffling."

I have spent too much time focused on the wrong things. Years have been wasted on fad diets and radical exercise plans to achieve one thing: a lower number on the scale. We need to take the focus off of the weight coming off and focus on why the weight was put on in the first place. 

The best decision I ever made was to go to therapy to resolve my issues. And to the doctor to get my health in order. I have made such progress and am loving my journey. Diagnosed with PCOS in March and now conquering a whole new bag of WTF health issues, I am still pushing and thankful for my battles and my successes. I'm stronger than I've ever been. Food no longer controls me. It just is. If I'm 'fat' the rest of my life, so be it. My goal is health: mental, physical and emotional. 

Next time you tell someone they look so good, that they must be so much better without the weight. Next time you give them permission to hate who they were, remember they are still the same person. They just have different skin on.

Run, Trena, Run!

We met in the Fall of 1994, freshman year at Butler University. She didn’t come to orientation because of Mono. So, of course, she was labeled the diseased girl. Within two weeks, I was labeled the bitch thanks to my roommate (truth be told, I probably was). I posted a note asking for rides to Ball State, Trena Goble (Roudebush) responded, despite the bitch rumors. We’ve been friends ever since.

We’ve seen each other through dead fish and failed marriages. We’ve enjoyed the bounty of the Absolute drawer and the shutters of poor choices. She knows when to love me (Spartan Hell) and kick my ass (Ice cream incident). Basically, our friendship has ridden Willy Wonka’s glass elevator and we are better because of it. 

Over the years I’ve seen her grow from a young lady searching for her place in the world to a powerful woman that knocks down any barrier she encounters. Trena defines unselfishness. She has donated her time, sweat and tears to countless organizations. Active 20-30 Club, Coburn Place, Girl Scouts, the list goes on and on. She has emotional, physical and mental growth spurts on a quarterly basis.

Her latest ‘growth’ spurt has been marathoning. I remember when she tackled her first 20 miles after a late night sleepover at my mother’s house. Not two years later, she is headed to the Boston Marathon. She has earned this spot. That small piece of asphalt that will be her home an hour before the starting pistol is shot should have her name on it and a deed attached.

I am so proud of her. I am in awe of her. She inspires me on a daily basis. But I am also green to the gills, want to punch someone, jealous of her. I am jealous that she set a fitness goal and, not only achieved it, but is already looking for the next challenge. I am jealous that she isn’t fat and I am. I am jealous that it comes so easy for her.

But here’s the thing: it hasn’t been easy. No, she isn’t carrying around a fat ass (IBTC *smirk*) but physical weight isn’t the only thing that can hold you down. We are our own worst enemies. And when things get hard, it is so easy to listen to that voice inside you and simply quit. Your body feels better, but your mind and heart… not so much.

After several failed attempts at getting in shape and losing weight, I decided I needed a makeover. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I started my journey in January and haven’t looked back. I went from a 4 to an 8 on the happiness scale thanks to a kick ass therapist. I have turned so much over to God and am just enjoying the ride. I was diagnosed with PCOS, which has been the source of many problems for decades. I am 90% clean eating and exercise at least four times a week. And I don’t weight myself anymore.

I earned this makeover. I earned this growth spurt. And I continue to search for the next challenge.

Trena, I love you. You’re the sister God gave me later in life. Words cannot define how proud I am of you and all your accomplishments. I like being in your shadow with all of this, because it means I’m keeping up with you. See you at our finish lines! 

Don't need to be alone

I just walked out of the grocery store without getting doughnuts. Too many of you are wondering what the big deal is. You walk out of stores without out buying doughnuts everyday. But I feel like I walked away from a long term relationship. I'm panicked and feel alone.

Growing up my father battled his own addiction. I was not popular. I was riddled with anxiety and depression. I would constantly pursue men to get the attention I wasn't getting from my father. My first husband was also emotionally detached. So I started to fill the void with food.

( I want to clarify that neither my father nor my first husband were horrible people. They were / are amazing individuals. They just didn't meet my emotional needs. )

After my first marriage ended I briefly dated an Italian named Franco. It was long distance. Once we spent a fiery weekend in New York City. We cuddled in Central Park, saw Joshua Bell perform at Lincoln Center, ate phenomenal Italian food and spent the rest of the time in bed. Following that weekend we talked twice and then he was gone. I thought we would get married and have beautiful caramel colored kids. To him I was a fling.

Binges feel just like that. A glorious experience that ends in heartbreak. But every time you go back because of how good it felt before the heartbreak.

My void is now overfilled with the love of my forever husband, my daughter, my God and myself. But it's hard ending my abusive relationship with food. It's a habit now.

That's why I am so grateful for AdvoCare. It has taught me healthy eating habits, given me product support, and most importantly, unconditional support from thousands of people. Although I have slipped back into old habits, as long as I keep engaging with my AdvoCare family, this habit will be squashed and my life will truly begin.

I'm a Fraud

I've been quiet ever since Robin William's suicide. There was so much flying around about his death. It brought light to mental illness. It also released a torrent of opinions about his actions. Me? I cried. A lot. I've had to watch too many tortured souls lose their humanity to evil, bury them.

Addiction is nasty.

I am subject to the same obsessive behavior that lives in my family history. Mine is eating. I've gotten drive thru on my way home from work then eaten dinner. I chose eating over paying bills. I would pay in cash so it wouldn't show up on the credit card bill and my husband(s) didn't know I just ate six doughnuts in the car. I then drove to dumpsters away from my home to throw away the evidence.

For me, eating was an event. I'd plan the meal like planning an elaborate date. My go-to binge was homemade fried chicken or steak, mashed potatoes with gravy, garlic bread and Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby. And not a portion, the entire meal. Three to four chicken thighs, four potatoes, and entire box of Texas Toast and an entire pint of ice cream. Eating is a comfort. When everything else in life is in chaos, I can control the eating. And that is the power of addiction.



Nutrition for this single meal:

Calories: 3902
Fat: 206 g
Cholesterol: 540 mg
Sodium: 4722 mg
Carbohydrates: 367.2 g
Protein: 132 g

One meal had all of that in it. My consumption limits are 2000 calories, 2000 mg of sodium and 100 g of carbohydrates... a day! Not a meal, A DAY!

Addiction makes you think you are in control. But you aren't! It takes away your self control, you rationality, your priorities. You are a puppet on a string and have no control over your actions. For some, the only way out is suicide. Sometimes, the addiction takes them before they can take themselves.

So why am I a fraud? Because there have been times recently this behavior has raised it's ugly head. I brag on Facebook that I resisted this food or that food, then go home and eat Cecilia's potty training candy stash. I'm never truly aware I have done it until it is over. That's how powerful this is.

But I'm also blessed.

I am surrounded by people who support me, who love me unconditionally. Y'all have taught me I'm just fine as I am, and to imagine how much more I could be if I were healthy. I deserve to be healthy. To love myself the way you love me, the way God loves me. I will think about food every day for the rest of my life. But I won't let it rule my life.

Thank you! Thank you for letting me put this out there, after years of hiding it. Thank you for joining me on this journey. And thank you for keeping me honest.

Advocare - My personal account

I want to make it clear that I am documenting my personal experiences on the Advocare challenge. I am not being compensated by Advocare with a lifetime supply of products or a free trip to tour their headquarters. Nor am I saying this is what everyone experiences.

That being said, look at the image to the left. Makes you think infomercial, right? Yeah, I would love to get a handle on Advocare's marketing department too. Had I seen this independently, I would have completely ignored it. But, with Bonnie backing it up, I gave it a shot. And boy, am I glad I did.


Pros (some of these are a repeat from a previous post):

• Skin - My skin looks amazing. Before I started this challenge, I had old lady hands. You know, lots of wrinkles, loose skin, worn looking. Now that I consume insane amounts of water, my hands are looking like I feel like they should. So does the rest of my skin. 

• Stomach pains - I don't have a galbladder anymore, and my body works extra hard to process food. Clean eating has greatly improved my digestion process. I don't have the liver pain I once had, or the painful digestion. In fact, I forget my stomach is even there. 

• Energy - I would yawn all day, every day. Drove my husband nuts! V16, a caffeine-free energy powder (as I have a caffeine intolerance) has stolen my yawns. I have energy and focus during the day that I never had before. I have no desire for any caffeine or quick sugar fixes to give me a boost. Katey and V16, sitting in a tree....

Drew Breeze is a spokesman for Advocare. Um, drool!

• Catalyst and OmegaPlex - These are two vitamins I fell in love with (I've got a lot of product love going on). Very basic overview - Catalyst keeps your skin tight when you lose weight and OmegaPlex is your fish oil. Both went down easy with no side or after affects. The fishy burps disappeared too. 

Cons:

• Poop - I've talked about poop before. I'm not ashamed to talk about poop. Pooping should be a celebration. And yet, we ladies still hang out in the bathroom stall, waiting for everyone to leave before pooping. Why do we do that to ourselves? But I digress. The first week the pooping occurred every bathroom break. I was so over it. It wasn't urgent, which was good, but goodness, I prayed to not poop anymore.

• Max 3 - Well, not all of Max 3. Just the little brown pill at the top. That, my friends, would send me into orbit. I started getting daily panic attacks. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't focus. I was a bitchy mess. When I finally talked to Bonnie about it, she verified that that brown pill is a natural appetite inhibitor. I eliminated that pill from the bunch and was right as rain. 

• No more junk food - Okay, this isn't really a con. Since the challenge I have not been as strict as I should be with my eating habits. My body has adjusted to clean eating, so anything outside of that makes it angry. Hulk angry. Now when I see a doughnut or fried food, I get scared. RIP junk food. 

Conclusion, this was definitely worth it. It's a product that can be adjusted to your body. The support system is beyond wonderful. Best part, the representatives aren't tied to a sales goal. Yes, they profit off your purchase (basic retail 101), but their motivation is to make you a healthier person. 

I am incorporating Advocare into my daily life. The Catalyst and OmegaPlex still have a place in my pill box, along with the vitamins my doctor recommends. I still do V16 twice a day (three times if I know I need to stay up past 11 p.m.). I use rehydrate every day (side note: it's great for a sick kid). I'm starting to incorporate Muscle Gain and will likely add their meal replacement shakes into the mix down the road. 

Heck, I might even become a wholesaler. That's how much I like this product. 

I Am Sixteen, Going on Seventeen...

Rolf, The Sound of Music: 
You are sixteen going on seventeen
Baby, it's time to think
Better beware, be canny and careful
Baby, you're on the brink

Today marks day 23 on the Advocare 24 Day Challenge. With just a few moments of weakness, I pulled it off. It definitely put me on a very good path of clean eating and loving myself again. 

So why am I singing a song from Sound of Music? Well, everyone that knows me knows I always have a musical score buzzing around in my head. But the lines listed above can be pretty powerful when you take them out of context (manipulate their meaning to best support your topic, etc). 

Now that the challenge is over, it would be so easy to slip into old habits. I won't have Bonnie texting me every morning with her support, I won't have my alarm reminding me to do this or do that. I will be on my own, to make my own food choices. 

I'm also singing this song because of this:

Oh yeah, you're reading that right. In 23 days, I've lost 16.5 inches off my body. That's the length of a newborn baby (except mine. She was a tall one!). That one ruler plus another third. It's insane to think I had 16.5 more inches of mass a month ago.

Yes, I do need to be canny and careful. I am on the brink. But with numbers like this, it is hard to justify my old habits.



P.S. Detailed account of my Advocare experience to follow shortly.

The Close of a Cleanse

Today is day ten of the Advocare cleanse. Minus a absentminded corn chip consumption and a bite of a potato chip to see how it tasted (awful), I stuck with it. No, seriously, I did. No breads, no sweets, no dairy, no ice cream... No, I am not lying!

Trust me, I am still in shock that I did stick with it. Yes, there were times I walked past a coworker's candy bowl and said a Hail Mary to keep me on track. But overall I was not tempted. I think it is because of how amazing I felt so quickly.

Day one and two sucked. I admit it. Headaches, poops, farts, hunger. But from day three on, it has been smooth sailing. Here is what I've noticed over the last ten days.

My skin is no longer dry. I used to scratch my leg and see evidence of that scratch two hours later. Now, by drinking half my body weight in ounces of water, my skin is softer, smoother, even glows.

I stand up straighter. Don't know if that is confidence, or because my upper belly is now smaller than my lower belly (and my boobs... SWEET!) but that back is straight. And it doesn't hurt!

I sleep at night and am awake during the day. I used to wake up two to three times a night. I was so tired during the day that several cups of coffee didn't keep me awake. Naps were my friend. I admit, I miss the naps, but I am happier with the new energy I have. And this is without any caffeine at all! True, the cleanse pills did make me get up two to three times a night, but I fell back asleep immediately after. And the V16 is a dream. All that energy in a small powder that tastes like orange soda. Yum!

No more nervous stomach. I would feel so sick at time I couldn't take it. I thought it was nerves. But I've got Zoloft for that, right? Nope, it was the food I was eating. My body, especially my liver, was pissed. But now everything is all zen-like in my belly. I even adjusted to the fiber!

Clean food is as addictive as crack. Holy crap. I always forget how good food tastes when it isn't covered in fried, chemical nastiness. Peaches! Raspberries! Butternut squash! I am drooling right now. And Sunbutter is way better than peanut butter. I can't eat peanut butter anymore (gasp!).

The women on the Facebook group are so much cooler than those of Weight Watchers. I hated Weight Watchers. There was always one person who dominated with negativity. I see nothing but positive come out of these Advocare leaders and participants. Locked in a room full of perky would normally take me to crazy land, but these chicks have wicked sense of humors and overall just want people to be their healthy, amazing selves.

Tomorrow I start the Max Phase. I understand I get to add a bit of dairy and some honey in my diet, but I am not sure I want or need it. Might just allow them as a treat every now and then. I'm loving what I do now.

Advocare 10-Day Cleanse: Day One and Two

Here is how it works. You wake up and immediately drink the fiber drink (FD), take the catalyst pills (CP) (optional but they come highly recommended) the fish oil pill (FOP) and drink an energy drink (ED). Mine is caffeine free, as my body hates high levels of caffeine. I'm like a menopausal woman in Mexico in July.

You repeat the CP and ED a half hour before lunch. At dinner, you take a FOP. Right before bed, you take three of the largest f****** pills you've ever seen. These are your cleanse pills (C*P). You get three meals and two snacks. You are allowed lean protein, select fruits and veggies and approved fats at specific times of the day. I understand not allowing refined grains, sugar and dairy, but no mushrooms? Seriously? That, my friends, might be the death of me.

Day One: Rollercoaster

Glad I'm a fan of Cream O' Wheat or there would be no way I could get through the FD. The ED was tasty. Did a chocolate meal replacement shake 40 minutes later.

Starving at 10 am, but ate my blueberries and sunbutter slowly. And pooped. A lot. Had my CP and ED an hour (should be half hour) before I ate my protein, veggie and carb.

Had my fruit and fat at 3 then was hit with a migraine. Drove my 40 minutes home, nearly yacking. Cllimbed into bed and slept on and off while my daughter kept me company and watched Doozers. Put her to bed, took my FP chased with dinner. Took my C*P and went to bed.

Day Two: Another rollercoaster, but no derailment (see what I did there, Six Flags?)

Same routine. About a half hour after the morning pills and drinks I got an insane dizzy spell and my head and mouth started to feel sparkly. Kept running the soundtrack of Hair in my head. Slammed my shake and ate a hard boiled egg then I was good.

Rest of the day went without issue. Oh yeah, I pooped. A lot.

Had to get a meal on the go for dinner as I was getting my hair did. Jimmy John's Tom Turkey unwrap with oil. Best. Sandwich. Ever. Came home with platinum and purple on my head and a very crabby tummy. Ate some shrimp and an avocado. Tummy happy. Pills and bed. In fact, I'm typing this on my phone and burping fish oil all while lying in bed.

First impression: It's a lot gentler than other cleanses. Yes, there is a lot of pooping. A lot. But is isn't violent and even comes citrus scented. It appeared the migraine was just bad timing. I keep smelling odd odors coming from my body. Detoxing at its finest.

Lessons: Be flexible with this plan. Not in the food you eat, but with the time and quantity.

I'm Back in the Saddle Again...

It's true. Cory and I had a really rough year. 

In May 2013, he was laid off from his job. What we thought would be a month or two turned into a year of living off my poverty-level income. In February 2014, we lost my mother-in-law to cancer. We knew it was coming, but the blow was harder than I ever anticipated. Every day we think of her. We try to keep her memory alive for my daughter and the other grandkids. 

Overall, we are fine now. The pain of losing Cherry lessens every day. Cory and I now have dream jobs that keep us more than above water. Every day we thank God for the blessings He has bestowed upon us. One of those blessings is the ability to fail. This isn't a bad thing, mind you. I see every failure as proof that I get to continue to learn and grow. However, repeating the same failure over and over again proves you've closed yourself off from those lessons. It's also the definition of insanity.

I have always used food as a coping mechanism. If stress eating were a competition I would have Olympic Gold at this point. What is crazy is I am well aware of how I feel after the binge sessions. And how amazing I feel when I eat right and exercise. But somehow, when things get rough, I regress back to the comforts of bad habits. 

A wife of a friend (now my friend) has been talking with me for nearly a year about her experience is Advocare. She is far from a blind follower. She is an extremely educated woman who can tell the difference between s*** and pudding. And she LOVES this stuff. Looking at before and after pictures, I can see why. She looks amazing, she feels amazing, and she is a powerhouse! The fact that she pushed for so long for me to try this shows me she cares about my health, not her profits. 

So July 8th I started the Advocare 24-day challenge (Details to come in a follow up blog). I deserve to feel better again, to fit in my clothes again, and to live a long life for my husband, daughter, friends and family. The scale won't register my weight, but I tracked my measurements. Excited to see what happens will come of this new adventure. 

Giddy-up!

Third time's the charm

On Sunday I spent the morning tracking the progress of two close friends and three family members as they participated in the Chicago Marathon. I snuck quick glances during church choir warm-up and then again as soon as Mass was over. I felt like I was there every step of the way. I am incredibly proud of each of them.

In particular, I am in awe of my friend Trena. She trained so hard for this, letting the world follow her ups and downs in her blog. She was raw, full of emotion and unprotected in that blog. I saw just how supportive her husband Bob is. Through it, I got even closer to her. And really learned how blessed I am to call her my bestie.

A month ago, Miss KP and I participated in the first Muddy Trail Run, a fundraiser for Junior Achievement. Although the obstacles did not have the difficulty as the Warrior Dash, they were harder for me. Coming off of a six-week illness with no regard to training or eating right, I was a hot mess. KP, on the other hand, kicked major ass on her first 5K. I was so proud of her. And disappointed in myself for going back on my promise to get healthier.

A few weeks ago, a friend of Cory's invited us to participate in the Spartan Race in April. It's similar to the Warrior Dash, but I think it's geared more to athletes. I am excited to say that Cory is joining me for this muddy dash. Not only because I think he will have a blast, but also because he won't let me fail. He will help me discover my best me. He will be my Bob.

Third time, people.

What... so soon?

Yeah.

Good friend KP posted this to my Facebook page and asked if I was in:

http://www.MuddyTrailRun.com/

How can I say no? Especially to a lawyer! So I'm power training again, focusing more on strength training than the walking.

My original goal for September was to participate in the Fort4Fitness 10K.

1) I've done two half marathons. Granted, I stumbled through them, but I finished. I want my next long distance to me another half. Call me nostalgic.

2) It's more fun to get dirty than to go the distance.

So who's going to cheer us on? Better yet, who's going to play in the mud with us?

Basking in the Glow of Success

I apologize for the delay in this blog. 

It sounds odd, but I wanted to relish in what I achieved. Keep it my own for as long as possible. This is truly the first time I had no regrets or disappointments, so self criticism. I just had to hold it close. 

Don't get me wrong, I was scared s***less. Hands shaking, have to pee every five minutes scared! The moments waiting in line to start the race, that was the worst. My poor brother had to listen to me yammer on about nothing and everything at a high rate of speed. But he grew up with me. It wasn't anything new. 

I started off running. Did for a quarter of a mile. Pat took off. He had his own goals to meet. First obstacle was a mile down the path. Just a crawl in a sand tunnel. Easy! Water hazard, not so easy. I've never had upper body strength. President's test in elementary school was always a joke. I've never done a pull-up in my life. Luckily, there were strong men there who plucked me out of the water onto the floating coolers like I was a piece of seaweed. 

There were other obstacles. Balancing on chain ropes, climbing up and down muddy hills. It was then I realized when you joke about taking a nap on those muddy hills, the masses rally around you to help you up. Sarcasm is wasted on those raising you up to succeed (which I was humbly grateful for). 

There are some obstacles they don't feature on their website. Why? Because they suck royal a**. The balance beam over the water pond full of dysentery (I stayed upright), the rope wall side scoot (I did not stay upright) and the countless walls that my knees are still pissed at me for. 

But the worst was by far what I call the birth canal. Picture thick metal rings with laced rope stretched around them. They are like that fun fabric tunnel CeCe's crawls through at her friend Miriam's house. Only this was the tunnel from hell. Everyone was going in on their backs. Big mistake. My lack of upper body strength struck again. I managed to pull myself through four of those rings, being coached by my 'doctor', the super sweet. burly man in the horns. When I got to the end, my arms gave out. I just said, "How the f*** am I supposed to get out!". All of a sudden my 'doctor' got out his forceps (aka another really nice burly man in horns) and pulled me free. Now I know how CeCe felt. 

The obstacle I feared the most was the 20-foot rope lattice climb. At the end of all of this, I thought there was no way I would be able to do it. After the fact, my entire family all thought I would skip it. In the picture above, you can see me at the top straddling it. It was one of the easier obstacles I did! Then I jumped fire, army crawled through mud and was done!

Even now I get chills thinking of it. 

  

I did it. So many people wanted me to succeed but didn't think I could, including me. Those same people were ecstatic that I could prove them wrong, including me. There is not one thing I would do differently. Even better, I can't wait for my next adventure. I'm addicted now. Addicted to the accomplishment, to inspiring others, to feeling more amazing that I have ever felt. 

Thank you to Trena, Cory, Julie and Pat for being my support system. There is no way I could have done this without you as cheerleaders. And here is to all the people who don't try because they think they can't or are afraid they will be judged. I am here to tell you the only one that matters is you. You deserve this!

Content

I did it. I finished. I tried every obstacle and completed all but one. I had help from strangers and I helped strangers. I got mud in places I am still discovering.

I wouldn't change a thing. How I trained, how I performed. I have no regrets. Only excited to see what I can do next year.

More later, sleep now.