Third time's the charm

On Sunday I spent the morning tracking the progress of two close friends and three family members as they participated in the Chicago Marathon. I snuck quick glances during church choir warm-up and then again as soon as Mass was over. I felt like I was there every step of the way. I am incredibly proud of each of them.

In particular, I am in awe of my friend Trena. She trained so hard for this, letting the world follow her ups and downs in her blog. She was raw, full of emotion and unprotected in that blog. I saw just how supportive her husband Bob is. Through it, I got even closer to her. And really learned how blessed I am to call her my bestie.

A month ago, Miss KP and I participated in the first Muddy Trail Run, a fundraiser for Junior Achievement. Although the obstacles did not have the difficulty as the Warrior Dash, they were harder for me. Coming off of a six-week illness with no regard to training or eating right, I was a hot mess. KP, on the other hand, kicked major ass on her first 5K. I was so proud of her. And disappointed in myself for going back on my promise to get healthier.

A few weeks ago, a friend of Cory's invited us to participate in the Spartan Race in April. It's similar to the Warrior Dash, but I think it's geared more to athletes. I am excited to say that Cory is joining me for this muddy dash. Not only because I think he will have a blast, but also because he won't let me fail. He will help me discover my best me. He will be my Bob.

Third time, people.

What... so soon?

Yeah.

Good friend KP posted this to my Facebook page and asked if I was in:

http://www.MuddyTrailRun.com/

How can I say no? Especially to a lawyer! So I'm power training again, focusing more on strength training than the walking.

My original goal for September was to participate in the Fort4Fitness 10K.

1) I've done two half marathons. Granted, I stumbled through them, but I finished. I want my next long distance to me another half. Call me nostalgic.

2) It's more fun to get dirty than to go the distance.

So who's going to cheer us on? Better yet, who's going to play in the mud with us?

Basking in the Glow of Success

I apologize for the delay in this blog. 

It sounds odd, but I wanted to relish in what I achieved. Keep it my own for as long as possible. This is truly the first time I had no regrets or disappointments, so self criticism. I just had to hold it close. 

Don't get me wrong, I was scared s***less. Hands shaking, have to pee every five minutes scared! The moments waiting in line to start the race, that was the worst. My poor brother had to listen to me yammer on about nothing and everything at a high rate of speed. But he grew up with me. It wasn't anything new. 

I started off running. Did for a quarter of a mile. Pat took off. He had his own goals to meet. First obstacle was a mile down the path. Just a crawl in a sand tunnel. Easy! Water hazard, not so easy. I've never had upper body strength. President's test in elementary school was always a joke. I've never done a pull-up in my life. Luckily, there were strong men there who plucked me out of the water onto the floating coolers like I was a piece of seaweed. 

There were other obstacles. Balancing on chain ropes, climbing up and down muddy hills. It was then I realized when you joke about taking a nap on those muddy hills, the masses rally around you to help you up. Sarcasm is wasted on those raising you up to succeed (which I was humbly grateful for). 

There are some obstacles they don't feature on their website. Why? Because they suck royal a**. The balance beam over the water pond full of dysentery (I stayed upright), the rope wall side scoot (I did not stay upright) and the countless walls that my knees are still pissed at me for. 

But the worst was by far what I call the birth canal. Picture thick metal rings with laced rope stretched around them. They are like that fun fabric tunnel CeCe's crawls through at her friend Miriam's house. Only this was the tunnel from hell. Everyone was going in on their backs. Big mistake. My lack of upper body strength struck again. I managed to pull myself through four of those rings, being coached by my 'doctor', the super sweet. burly man in the horns. When I got to the end, my arms gave out. I just said, "How the f*** am I supposed to get out!". All of a sudden my 'doctor' got out his forceps (aka another really nice burly man in horns) and pulled me free. Now I know how CeCe felt. 

The obstacle I feared the most was the 20-foot rope lattice climb. At the end of all of this, I thought there was no way I would be able to do it. After the fact, my entire family all thought I would skip it. In the picture above, you can see me at the top straddling it. It was one of the easier obstacles I did! Then I jumped fire, army crawled through mud and was done!

Even now I get chills thinking of it. 

  

I did it. So many people wanted me to succeed but didn't think I could, including me. Those same people were ecstatic that I could prove them wrong, including me. There is not one thing I would do differently. Even better, I can't wait for my next adventure. I'm addicted now. Addicted to the accomplishment, to inspiring others, to feeling more amazing that I have ever felt. 

Thank you to Trena, Cory, Julie and Pat for being my support system. There is no way I could have done this without you as cheerleaders. And here is to all the people who don't try because they think they can't or are afraid they will be judged. I am here to tell you the only one that matters is you. You deserve this!

Content

I did it. I finished. I tried every obstacle and completed all but one. I had help from strangers and I helped strangers. I got mud in places I am still discovering.

I wouldn't change a thing. How I trained, how I performed. I have no regrets. Only excited to see what I can do next year.

More later, sleep now.

Here we go!

I am in the car, Cory is driving and listening to thrash metal. Cecilia is happily enjoying some Aunt Chrissy time. Mom is patiently waiting for Cory and I to pick her up. Then Rosy the diesel Volkswagon wagon will zip us up to Michigan to join my brother and sorta SIL for a low key evening before the race.

I am jumping out of my skin. I've known since January this was coming. It feels like I just blinked and it's here.

I started training for this like everything I've done. I hit it gun-ho with wreckless abandonment then get bored and move on. I was stagnent and feeling sorry for myself.

One morning we were lazy and decided we would watch Mass on TV. It's out of New York. Very good. Any who, the priest was talking about loving our neighbors they way God loves them. Very common Catholic theme. Then he said something that, though I know it had been said before, I never really heard it.

"Love yourself the way God loves you."

One sentence and my attitude changed. I'm not loving myself with an unhealthy lifestyle. I'm punishing the gift God gave me: my life.

Do I still slip? Heck yes. Today at my other SIL's baby shower, I ate the best piece of cake in my life! Banana with buttercream. It was unbelievable.  And I don't feel bad. Because when was the last time I had cake? I can't even remember.

So now I sit, celebrating what I've done, what I'm going to do. And I can't wait for the next adventure!

Less than a week away

I'm not a religious blogger. I have friends who update every day. That kind of commitment is brilliant to me. And truly not my talent.

That being said, I have a lot to catch you all up on.

I participated in the Fort Wayne Diva Dash in June. It was the first 5K I ever trained for. I kept motivated by a woman wearing pink argyle socks. She was in my site the entire way. Close to the end, another woman caught up to me to tell me she was using my shirt  to stay motivated. On the back it says, "If I can finish, you can finish." We all crossed the finish line together, holding hands.

I finished in the middle with a pace of 14:48. I was proud.

After the race, several people came up to me saying I motivated them. I was so moved. After so many people have inspired and motivated me, I now am the motivator.

Six weeks later, I walked my last three miles today. The Warrior Dash is on Sunday. The costumes are finished, the hotel is booked, and best of all, I am ready. All the ups and downs, literal hills and mental moutains, have led to this. I am only competing with myself. My goals? To simply finish, try my hardest and HAVE FUN!

P.S. The picture is of my morning route. I love how quiet it is, the moon setting with the sun rising. Beautiful!

What if? (Strong language)

Inspiration can come from anywhere. I picked a new route today and discovered a gem. Someone has created a small town in their yard (see photo). It had a school, a church, even a graveyard. I love finding kitsch in the craziest places.

Discouragement can come anywhere too. My mind has been distracted, racing all day. I have been two steps behind. On my walk, Ryan Adam's Starting to Hurt came on. That just exasperated everything.

What if I can't finish?

What if I have to walk, or skip an obstacle?

What will people think of this fat chick?

On and on and on.

I pressed on and finished my walk, but I didn't enjoy myself. I kept wishing I was home.

Sitting here now I'm pissed off. I have treated my body like shit for years. YEARS! I came close to needing a liver biopsy at 37. Years of gout have eaten away at my left toe joint, which will more than likely need reconstructive surgery.

Did I deserve any of that? No, but I earned it. Just like I have earned the right to do this race, to walk if I need to and skip obstacles if I need to. Fuck anyone who tells me or judges me otherwise. This includes my inner discourager.

So I take your depressing Ryan Adams song and raise you a single lyric from it that I will cling to.

Take your tomorrow, pain and your sorrow and teach it how to fly.

Just Go.

I let myself get frustrated again. I took a month off the scale, got back on and nothing had changed.

I got the bright idea to try a cleanse. I didn't want to spend money, and I wanted it to be natural. I picked the Dr. Oz three-day cleanse. PROS: Lost seven pounds in three days. Also learned to appreciate food without seasoning or preservatives. CONS: It took my body a week to recover. I also gained all the weight back.

Finally, spring had sprung. It was nice enough to take my exercises outside. I also came to the harsh realization that the Warrior Dash was only three months away. Holy crap!

I downloaded the app RunKeeper some time ago. I loaded it up and set up a 5K run training schedule. And I went.

And I loved it!

As soon as I finish a walk/run, I want to go back out again. Every time I go out I see progress. I no longer dread hills or stairs. And it isn't hard. And by hard mean I don't get my mental ass kicked. My mind is clear, and my new mantra is clear as well:

Just go.

Getting healthy is as simple as that. Protein shakes, gluten free, cross training, scales... All of it is a bunch of yapping, buzzing. Just go. Don't think, don't show off, don't keep talking about it.

Just. Go.

To weigh or not to weigh

For two weeks I have not seen the number change on the scale. Not up, not down. Just the same three numbers staring back up at me.

I have exercised at least four times a week. I have honored my healthy eating vow. My arms have more definition, I have collar bones and ankles. Cory even said I am getting that little crevice in my abs. My keg is turning into two two-liter bottles. But am I happy? No.

Why do we base so much on a scale. We let it dictate our mood, our self worth. We let it decide for us if we eat well or continue to exercise. Why are so many decisions made by those numbers? Heck, we give those numbers more power than our credit score!

So that's it. I'm taking the power back. I will not get back on that scale until March 1st. For all those who are having the same struggle, I encourage you to join me.

Motivation From Unexpected Places

This week has been full of ups and downs. A play date on Monday, toddler music class on Tuesday, followed by what can only be described in exorcist proportions. The flu or bad food reaction had blanketed CeCe's crib and a majority of its contents. Only her muppets and handmade blanket were spared.

After a long evening of teaching a toddler how to throw up in a bucket (a throw back to my sorority days), she slept soundly while I was half awake all night, listening to any signs of illness over the monitor. The next day there was no workout, and I felt it. I was dragging all day while CeCe, though lethargic was basically back to her normal self.

Backstory: When I married Cory, I encouraged him to get back into his Catholic roots. I had never been a "fan" of the religion, but I knew it was important to him. So many signs from God later, I found myself going through classes and making Catholicism my own

Yesterday evening, longtime friend Chris Lovett called me. We talked for about forty minutes about our kids, our lives. Then he asked, "I was wondering if you would like to be Ben's godmother." I was speechless. Holding back tears, I said, "Are you sure?" Chris said, "You've been on an incredible journey with your Catholicism. I cannot think of a better person to be my son's role model."

I went to bed and woke up feeling invigorated. I decided today was the day to tackle the elliptical. Last attempt only lasted 10 minutes. This time? THIRTY! It's amazing what makes you go and what keeps you going. Wherever you find your motivation, hang onto it and GO!

The Word "Can't"

Cory not only got me up at 6 am to work out, he was also my cheerleader. I truly appreciate his unconditional love and his confidence in me to make positive changes.

He is a good cheerleader - 95% of the time. And I am not dogging him in any way. He has been diligently exercising for several months. He is leagues ahead of me. I appreciate that he has so much confidence in me he thinks I can be at his level. But I am not. And him telling me I should exercise this way or that, do this much time, this much weights, etc. frankly ticks me off.

So today I explore the word "can't". You watch Biggest Loser and you see the trainers screaming at crying contestants as they utter, "I can't."  But can they really can't? You know they've gone through a thorough health screening. Those trainers know exactly what their bodies can handle. They aren't going to push them beyond what they can do physically. Mentally, yes, but not physically. What those contestants mean to say is, "I won't".

There are physical things I literally cannot do. My knees, my muscle tone will not let me. Physically, it isn't possible. But someday, it will.

Example. We have what we affectionately call the CeCe Corral. It's a multiframe baby gate that stretches across our living room. It keeps her from getting into Cory's computer, the wood pellet fire place, the dog food. When we first got it, I couldn't climb over it. I was not limber enough. But I lost weight and got in better shape. Now I can nearly hurdle this thing. I was physically limited, and now I am not. I went from "can't" to "can".

So many people, when they start their fitness journey, try to meet the abilities of their peers. Many of those goals are physically out of their reach. They get discouraged and they quit. Today I couldn't full body plank or do a side plank. My muscles aren't strong enough yet. Instead I planked with my knees down and did squats during the side planks. I still got a good workout and I didn't feel like a failure.

Someday I WILL full body and side plank. And I will celebrate and shoot for the next goal.

One goal at a time.

Crap eating

I had the craziest dream this past weekend. I dreamt I was running errands and saw cheese puffs on clearance.

If you know me, you know I love cheese puffs. The big, greasy ones that coat your fingers with processed cheese goodness. It is difficult for me to resist cheese puffs, especially in a dream state. So I added to my purchases and plowed into them as soon as I was on my way. I was slamming them down without looking.

When I finally did notice them, they were clear. And each one had a live bug in them. They were on clearance because they were a failed product of a tequila company. I realized in horror I had just consumed live bugs without even knowing.

How often I have done this in real life! Not eating the bugs, mind you. But made a last-minute purchase of chips or a candy bar or Hostess product (RIP) and consumed it in the car on the way home without thinking or enjoying. In reality, the bugs are probably healthier than the crap I have eaten.

I believe in signs, and being open to God's message. If I ignore this one I choose not to love myself the way God loves me. So far I have done really well at resisting. The 20+ cheese puff addiction is strong in this young skywalker, but I need to stay strong in my convictions to getting healthier. I've got amazing support from friends and family. And my life is worth so much more that a fleeting bit of instant gratification, even a cheese puff.

Unconditional love

I met Trena my freshman year at Butler University. She saw my poster in the mail room: Gas money for a ride to Ball State. My roommate at the time and I did not get along and she made everyone in our hall know how horrible I was. Trena thought to herself, 'It's an hour trip. How bad can it be?' and took me up on my offer. The hours there and back, she discovered I wasn't horrible and we've been friends ever since.

Nearly 20 years later (Holy crap, 20 years!) we continue to be a strong presence in each other's lives. Cecilia and I took a trip to Indy for a relaxing visit with her and husband RoudyBob. I returned refreshed, renewed and inspired.

First of all, Trena is the most committed philanthropist I know. How Michelle Obama hasn't discovered her yet I have no clue. Second, she and Bob took to a very active toddler into their home like she has always been there. Third, I discovered so much about our friendship that somehow I never noticed before.

Trena has loved and supported me through so many life changes, good and bad. She knows me better than I know myself. She has always been my cheerleader, my voice of reason and my ass kicker. I aspire to be like her every day. And she aspires to always continue to learn and grow.

I can be fat, I can be thin and she will always be there. She is a major part of why I will be successful. I hope other people have Trena's in their corner. Their journey would be so rewarding because of it.

No real exercise in two days

Maybe you all can help me. I completed the first round of circuit training and felt great. The next two days I limped on both legs because of extreme thigh soreness. Do I power through the pain next time or was rest the right choice? Am I pushing too hard? Not enough? Not discouraged, just the opposite. Probably too eager. I don't want to hurt myself.

Beyond Excited

I am beyond excited. My dear husband Cory found this for me and I just love it. It appears to be a really good circuit. It maximizes your effort in a minimal amount of time. Instead of instantly training for the Warrior Dash, I need to train my body to just be active. Plus, this will help tremendously in eliminating body fat. That is what I need right now anyway. Get excess off then really hit toning. Can't wait to see how well this works.

Gym Junkies - Workout for Beginners

Week One

What I did right: When I did exercise, I gave it my all. I wasn't lazy, I didn't half-@$$ it. Best part was, I looked forward to it.

What I need to improve: I did not do any exercise on the weekend. I really want to get up to exercising every day. I also didn't follow my Wheat Belly exactly. Places I slipped up were eating a graham cracker or too much fruit. But with a seven pound loss this week, I don't think it was terribly detrimental. Maybe I can pursue a Paleo/Wheat Belly hybrid.

Adventures in Wii Dance

I love Wii Dance. I'm not about the points, I'm about just grooving and having a good time.

I started with Elvis' A Little Less Conversation and immediately hit myself in the head. No one should be surprised. One of my nicknames is Helmet.

Half way through there was another head hit; my daughter. I beamed her hard. She stood up and her little lip started quivering. Spent the rest of the song holding her in one arm and doing the movement in another. (She's fine. She has a hard head too)

This time I didn't skimp on the movements. It felt like a real workout. Saving my upper body workout for CeCe's nap so there are no more injuries to her.

Two days in

I woke up at 7 a.m. on Wednesday, January 2 and began my journey.

First, Cory took the before photos. I adore the skull pants. They have been a staple of mine for over a year. And I look forward to the day they are too big. After the back shot, Cory informed me I had back boobs. Looking forward to those going away too.

Why did I post my weight? Because I have to be honest with myself. And what better way to be honest than to put it out there for everyone to see. Imagine me 50 pounds heavier. It blows my mind!

I completed fifteen minutes on the elliptical doing cross training then another fifteen minutes working on my upper body. I was ready to quit the elliptical after five minutes but kept pressing. I hope to up my time by five minutes every week or two until I can do 30 minutes without a problem. The upper body was a lot harder than I thought, but didn't leave me too terribly sore.

Today I was with the kid, so no elliptical. She is prone to explore and is fearless. Didn't feel like a call to the fire department to untangle her from the machine. We attempted Dance Party Wii but the controllers were all dead. So I spent a half hour working on my lower body. Abs, butt and legs. CeCe bounced between watching Super Why and cheering me along. Yes, she is carrying one pound weights in that picture. I don't need a personal trainer/drill sergeant when I have her yelling in my face. At one point she climbed on top of me while I was doing sit up. Tough cookie that one.

I am glad I am starting small. I don't feel discouraged or hopeless or in pain. I hope all men and women embarking on this journey know that exercising every day, regardless of the amount, is such a tremendous step.

How to get started

I've been trying to figure out how to start and not get overwhelmed. My fabulous husband (whose brain works when mine doesn't) suggested I look up videos on YouTube. 1) Duh. 2) What did we do before YouTube? I found a great series that isn't perky jerks in tight, colorful clothes shouting affirmations at you. Normal people giving instruction. Hooray!

Check out the video here.

So tomorrow I start with a 30 cardio on the elipitical, tackling a more hilly setting and ending with this exercise plan, adding in squats and lunges to do a little lower body.

Thoughts?

Starting off the new year

Once again I find myself on the couch. This time CeCe is with me. We are reading books and playing with her LeapTop and Santa hat. She has become a snuggly one lately and I'm not complaining. Its a relaxing morning after pretending I was 21 again. Cory is still asleep.

Tomorrow is the day I start my training. And I'm excited. But not obsessive excited like I get sometimes (all the time). This isn't a resolution. I feel those are for things you need to change but aren't ready to. Its more like the excitement I get when I get CeCe up in the morning. I do it every day. Its part of my life. But its something I love.

Happy New Year friends!