I Still Have Crushes

These aren't the crushes we had in middle school 

But those were awesome, weren’t they? Passing notes, claiming you’re dating then break up, all without even talking to the person in question).

My crushes really fall under the adoration category:

My woman’s group – Its name and members will continue to remain anonymous. But these ladies are the best group I’ve ever been a part of. They embrace everyone unconditionally, they define the correct way to support your fellow females, and they are FUNNY!

Many of my female friendships have been based on cattiness. I remember a time I would judge everyone’s actions. I had one particular friend who would insult me and put me down constantly. She taught me to do the same to others. I can now step back and see how insecure that person was. I can also see how wrong it was to cast people aside without a second thought or possibly consider them as a part and potential impact on my life (BTW, I set that chick free. If you have someone in your life who makes you feel like sh*t, I suggest you do the same).

Brook Kreder – Holy crap is this chick awesome. Not because she is in fantastic shape, but because she celebrates every achievement she and others have. She has her own group, the Sole Sisters, who hold each other up when challenging themselves to complete Iron Mans, Marathons, even 5K. My bestie Trena is a part of that group (Trena is a whole other crush, but I’ve celebrated her already here. She also has an eBook that is pretty awesome).

I get Brook’s weekly emails. Every time I find something that inspires me or touches my heart. But the last two have been particularly moving. The first one was titled WHO YOU ARE IS ALREADY ENOUGH. An excerpt:

You see, at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter how far you can run, bike, swim or row…

… it doesn’t matter how strong you are, how much you weigh or don’t, how committed you are, how much you want and/or train for your goal… 

… you are already enough. Just as you are. Is having a big, crazy, scary, holy wow goal sexy? Yes, it’s very sexy.But it doesn’t make you who you are at your core.Because at your core…

You are already strong.

Tenacious.
Courageous.
Tough.
Smart.
Funny.
Brilliant.
Sassy.
Gorgeous.
Amazing.
Powerful. 

Exactly as you are. 

Powerful, right?

This week’s email TOTALLY BUSTED was a slap on the ass and a yeehaw!

In reference to an article in O Magazine:

There are so many areas in my life where I have departed from my truth. I have offered a fake smile. (Or a dozen in the last week – ugh!). I have taken on client work I didn’t want. I have said yes to a goal, a finish line and a training cycle that didn’t feel good to me. I have allowed others to steal my joy, suck my energy or step on my feelings. (All while keeping my mouth shut!) 

Then I wondered, “What would it be like to do what’s true for us (me + you) in every situation?”

Who would we let go of? What would we shout, “Hell yes!” to? Where would we go? Who would we love? What would we STOP doing? What would we no longer allow? Would we train for that mega race? Change jobs? Get married? Ditch a bad habit?

I can’t answer any of these questions for you. But here’s what I decided for myself:

I’m spending the entire month of September doing an integrity cleanse. 

That means no more bull sh*t. No more keeping my wants, needs or thoughts to myself. No more fake smiles. No more friends on FB that trigger my crazy. No more work I don’t enjoy. (Well, within reason.) Only races and training cycles I want to take on. Only people I love and can’t wait to spend time with.(The list goes on, you catch my drift.)

Now here’s the cool part…

I’m inviting you to do the integrity cleanse with me.

Let’s spend the next 28 days [together] doing what’s true for us in ALL situations. Training, work, marriage, relationships, money,commitments…

… e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

Because at the end of the day… is there really any other way to live?

I’m taking the challenge. Will you join me? Go to Brook’sFacebook page, like it (if you haven’t already reading my first paragraph about her) and post the hashtag #integritycleanse.Join her in this revolution of self!

Also, find your sole (shoe), soul (inner being) or sole (fish – no judgement here!) sisters and power onward. Life is too short for bullsh*t. 

Comfort while exercising AND a discount? No way!

Yes way!

 Here is the lowdown on Katie K Active, borrowed from their website. 

I'm wearing the Signature Walking Pants
and the Signature Racer Back.

Katie’s definition of brave is being the best you, you can be. Brave also comes in all shapes and sizes. Katie’s determination and hard work has definitely defined brave in her own life and, Katie’s goal is to help all women define brave in their lives as well.

Katie found that all women want to define their own brave. And that brave includes taking control of their health. She believes all women deserve exercise clothes that fit and are easy to move around in. We have all done the uniboob or the quad boob. We have all worn the bicycle pants that rolled up our calves and down our thighs. Don't make me tell you the underwear story again.

Clothing aside this company is amazing. And full of girl power. But the pluses don't stop there (see what I did there?). 

I'm wearing the Signature Walking Pants
and the Free Flow Cardigan.

Boy howdy the clothing! Not only does it fit perfectly and keep you cool, several of the pieces are completely wearable everyday, exercise or not. I have multiple compliments on my pants alone. So here's the skinny on my 'fat' exercise wear (I did it again).

Look at the picture above left. I look amazing! This is AFTER a workout. And yes, I do live at a lake. Be jealous. Now look at the picture to the right. I look amazing! This is HALF WAY THROUGH the work day. And yes, I do get to wear flip flops to work. Be jealous.

The pants have built-in draw cords to turn them into capris. The drawstring inside can only be described as an infinity drawstring. It's a single flowing cord that is impossible to lose inside the pants. The shirt is cut perfectly for my shape. It accommodates my hips and chest while not being too loose. Best part? The cut also prevents arm and side boob chaffing. And the cardigan is simply snuggly. Long sleeves, flowing, and easy to tie around the waste if it becomes too warm on your walks.

I'm hear to tell you these close are worth the investment. I'm not one to push products. But I will push this one till the cows come home. If I could marry a clothing line, this would be my soul mate.

And guess what? You can have these clothes too. For a limited time you can get 40% off PLUS free shipping. Just go to the website, pick out your clothes, then use the promo code KATEY40 when you check out and the savings is yours.

Trust me. You are worth the investment. Let's get this!

Climb the Mountain

Sherpas are flipping awesome! They go up and down Mount Everest so many times in their lives. And its no big thing. I look at that mountain and think 'Oh hell no!' and scurry back to my tent.

Well I can't ignore the mountain anymore. It has erupted.

For three weeks now, I've had unexplained nerve and muscle pain, tingling, numbness and burning joints throughout my body. Did I mention the twitching? Constant, random muscle twitches.

After 32 vials of blood, three poops in a bucket and storing a collection of my pee in the fridge, I thought I would get a diagnosis today.

I did not.

There in the doctor's office I had the mother of all pity parties. I was pushing back on doctor recommendation because of cost and the time involved. And he said this:

"Here's the thing, Katherine. Right now you are at the bottom of the mountain. You can't see the top. But we can. Let us help you up that mountain."

He was right. I've been doing a great job of climbing the mountain on my own, sticking to the plan. But I am now in a terrain I've never been before. And I can't do it alone.

So I got me some sherpas. Let's do this!

War Wounds

I have a confession. Well, not really a confession but more of an admission.

I made a poor underwear choice for my first half marathon.

My husband calls them my war-torn panties. The particular panties in question are long gone, but we all have our favorite underwear. Liz Phair even wrote a song about it (sort of). So of course I thought those panties would be perfect for 13.1 miles. WRONG!

Into mile three they had settled half way up my rump. By mile four I couldn't feel anything below the waste, so no harm no foul. I crossed the finish line and headed to a friends to clean up.

They became attached. They melded with my body, becoming one with the soft tissue of my butt. And I couldn't pull them off. Like waxing your bikini very, VERY slowly. I finally hopped into the shower, underwear and all and finally peeled them off. I was left with two bleeding, racing stripes on my tuckus. I derriere looked liked a regulation major league baseball.

Best part? I had my yearly visit two days later and had to explain to my male doctor why I had huge scabs on my ass.

So why talk about this now? Because your exercise gear is as important as the exercise itself. The wrong choice in clothing can completely derail you. I have worn my fair share of Walmart brand exercise clothes and have the chafing scars to prove it.

Peekaboo! Don't hints that mean nothing to you aggravate you?

But a new addition to my blogging family has turned that around. I am beyond excited to share this partnership, but I have to wait for the mail to arrive. Squeeeeee!!!

This is a partnership that benefits you as well. Stay tuned, people.

up... UP... AND AWAY!

When my brothers and I were little, my mother would safety pin towels around our necks (Yes, a real safety pin close to a five-year-olds neck). We would then swoop through the house, pretending to be Superman.

I miss that cape. I miss that moment in time. There was no pain, no anxiety, no helplessness: just the ability to fly.

Ten days of unexplained pain. Ten days of flames shooting throughout my body. Ten days of Kill Bill quoting (Wiggle your big toe!). Ten days of twitching and burning at the slightest touch.

I swear by my bad-a$$ery all the time. But it is nothing compared to the countless people who live like this for years. Who battle cancer and incurable disease. It’s time to prove myself. Appointment with a pain specialist this afternoon.

I really need a cape now, even if it is a pretend one.

I Can Hear You

Junior year, size 13.
Yes, I thought I was fat. 

I have struggled with my weight for more than half my life. I remember my first Weight Watcher meeting in 7th grade. After I weighed in for the first time, the woman said, "Oh, you're a lot heavier than I thought". What's funny is I wasn't even overweight. Yeah, a woman said that to a 13 year old girl. 

I am always searching out female power houses. The woman who wrote the blog The "After" Myth is one of these women. Thank you, Vanessa, for sharing this with me. This woman battled and won over her weight. But it didn't come will 100% happiness, as most expect. She still is trying to find herself. She is brave as hell for putting it all out there. I am so grateful I have another badass to inspire me. 

"Every day I'm shuffling."

I have spent too much time focused on the wrong things. Years have been wasted on fad diets and radical exercise plans to achieve one thing: a lower number on the scale. We need to take the focus off of the weight coming off and focus on why the weight was put on in the first place. 

The best decision I ever made was to go to therapy to resolve my issues. And to the doctor to get my health in order. I have made such progress and am loving my journey. Diagnosed with PCOS in March and now conquering a whole new bag of WTF health issues, I am still pushing and thankful for my battles and my successes. I'm stronger than I've ever been. Food no longer controls me. It just is. If I'm 'fat' the rest of my life, so be it. My goal is health: mental, physical and emotional. 

Next time you tell someone they look so good, that they must be so much better without the weight. Next time you give them permission to hate who they were, remember they are still the same person. They just have different skin on.

Run, Trena, Run!

We met in the Fall of 1994, freshman year at Butler University. She didn’t come to orientation because of Mono. So, of course, she was labeled the diseased girl. Within two weeks, I was labeled the bitch thanks to my roommate (truth be told, I probably was). I posted a note asking for rides to Ball State, Trena Goble (Roudebush) responded, despite the bitch rumors. We’ve been friends ever since.

We’ve seen each other through dead fish and failed marriages. We’ve enjoyed the bounty of the Absolute drawer and the shutters of poor choices. She knows when to love me (Spartan Hell) and kick my ass (Ice cream incident). Basically, our friendship has ridden Willy Wonka’s glass elevator and we are better because of it. 

Over the years I’ve seen her grow from a young lady searching for her place in the world to a powerful woman that knocks down any barrier she encounters. Trena defines unselfishness. She has donated her time, sweat and tears to countless organizations. Active 20-30 Club, Coburn Place, Girl Scouts, the list goes on and on. She has emotional, physical and mental growth spurts on a quarterly basis.

Her latest ‘growth’ spurt has been marathoning. I remember when she tackled her first 20 miles after a late night sleepover at my mother’s house. Not two years later, she is headed to the Boston Marathon. She has earned this spot. That small piece of asphalt that will be her home an hour before the starting pistol is shot should have her name on it and a deed attached.

I am so proud of her. I am in awe of her. She inspires me on a daily basis. But I am also green to the gills, want to punch someone, jealous of her. I am jealous that she set a fitness goal and, not only achieved it, but is already looking for the next challenge. I am jealous that she isn’t fat and I am. I am jealous that it comes so easy for her.

But here’s the thing: it hasn’t been easy. No, she isn’t carrying around a fat ass (IBTC *smirk*) but physical weight isn’t the only thing that can hold you down. We are our own worst enemies. And when things get hard, it is so easy to listen to that voice inside you and simply quit. Your body feels better, but your mind and heart… not so much.

After several failed attempts at getting in shape and losing weight, I decided I needed a makeover. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I started my journey in January and haven’t looked back. I went from a 4 to an 8 on the happiness scale thanks to a kick ass therapist. I have turned so much over to God and am just enjoying the ride. I was diagnosed with PCOS, which has been the source of many problems for decades. I am 90% clean eating and exercise at least four times a week. And I don’t weight myself anymore.

I earned this makeover. I earned this growth spurt. And I continue to search for the next challenge.

Trena, I love you. You’re the sister God gave me later in life. Words cannot define how proud I am of you and all your accomplishments. I like being in your shadow with all of this, because it means I’m keeping up with you. See you at our finish lines!